Dumb Coffee, Dummer Mom

One evening I was answering some of my emails. Without me seeing her, my four year old daughter grabbed my full cup of coffee from near my elbow where I was sitting. Next thing I knew...

My daughter was running about our apartment, giggling and babbling and I didn't understand what the heck was wrong with her until I saw my coffee cup laying sideways on the floor, empty. I asked her,
"Did you drink my coffee?"
And she giggled and ran about saying,

"Yes, Yea, ya ya ya la, la la , YES!" and screamed with delight.

(Oh S*it!) I quickly thought of what would help her get the coffee out of her system and get her to focus on something so she wasn't running about the apartment bothering my sis and brother in law with whom we lived.

Being the dumbass that I am, I thought, "Hey why don't we take a car trip and go to the store!"

That was one of the dumbest ideas I'd ever had. When we got inside the store with a grocery cart, my daughter insisted on pushing it to "help Mommy". I didn't think about the consequences of my giving in to her until she darted around an aisle with the cart, zig zagging side to side through the aisle, almost knocking things off the shelves, and missing other shoppers by fractions of inches!
She was giggling and talking gibberish that I don't think even she could understand.

Finally I corralled my daughter and the cart and gave up on getting any grocery shopping done. People were giving me looks that made me feel as though I were the worst mother on the planet and I felt that way.

My daughter started calming down during the short car ride home and by the time I pulled into the garage she was crashed out on the seat, snoring like some one's grandpa after he finished off the last bit of turkey on Thanksgiving.

by cyndi age 50

A Wedding, A Baby, And A Dumb Dad

I went to a wedding for friends of mine a while back. There were a lot of people in the church foyer waiting to be seated by the ushers.

I saw the cutest baby in the arms of what I guess was it's Daddy. I smiled when I saw how sweet they were together.

For some DUMB reason, Daddy thought he'd play ball with his baby and started tossing it up in the air and catching it (luckily) on the way down. At first I thought he was going to drop him, but no. Something worse happened.

There was a large beam running the length of the church sanctuary that extended into the foyer where we were waiting.
The first two tossings of the baby into the air looked like fun and made Baby giggle hysterically.

The thrid wasn't so funny by any means. Daddy tossed his precious baby right up to where that beam was, the baby hit it's poor head on the beam and then .. nothing.

Daddy knocked the baby out cold, the wedding had to be postponed because the it was the bride's niece and she was too upset to go on with the ceremony after the paramedics came and took poor silent, limp baby to the emergency room.

Dumb daddy. Poor baby.

(The baby turned out to be okay after it was kept over night in the hospital and the bride and groom? They never ended up getting married for some reason)

by Coleen age 32

Dumb Eye

This is a real life story my boyfriend told me:

Mike was working construction as a framer with a boss who had a glass eye. Being the curious type, Mike asked his boss how he ended up with a glass eye.

His boss went off on him, "How did you know I have a glass eye?? I paid a lot of money for this eye, no one else ever noticed I have a glass eye!"

Mike calmly replied, "My grandpa had one, used to pop it out and scared people with it, I can spot one a mile away" and then he asked his boss again how he ended up with a glass eye.

His boss told him this story, short and dumb...

"I was working fast and furious so I could get home to my kids, we had tickets for a Dodger baseball game. I was doing something with a screwdriver when my head itched me like crazy all of a sudden. It was one of those itches you HAD to scratch right away so you wouldn't go crazy by it. I reached back to scratch my itch so quickly that I missed and stuck the screwdriver right in my eye and put it out."

by Mike age 46

Even Tennis Can Be Embarassingly Dumb

This is really dumb. When I was in high school my friend and I enjoyed our P.E. class because it meant we got to put on our cute-sie little tennis outfits and leave campus for lessons at the local tennis courts.

Looking as "cute" as ever, my friend and I decided to stay on at the courts after our class was dismissed, mainly because the two guys we were crushing on at the time showed up to play tennis. They were cute and tan and one of them was a tennis instructor so we liked to ask him for help and appear stupid about tennis so he'd pay attention to us. It's a ploy us girls know how to use to our benefit. heh, heh.

Well, my friend and I were playing a second match and getting kind of tired but we did our best to show off our skills when we thought the boys were watching. I had a new aluminium racket - the kind that has a forked yoke below the boing-y part where the ball usually hits and is sent over the net. That yoked part of the racket is the cause for my embarrassment...

Glancing out of the corner of my eye I noticed the boys were looking our way so I worked myself up for the serve of all time. I wanted the tennis instructor to be impressed by my serve, one of the things he showed me how to do on one of my playing dumb days.

I lifted my new racket and tossed the ball high in the air and took an excellent swing at it to land it exactly where the ball needed to be to insure a difficult return by my friend. The racket made contact with the ball and I opened my eyes to see if it did indeed land right where I planned it to (I used to close my eyes for some reason whenever I hit the ball) and kept looking and waiting and waiting for the ball to hit ground.

I was puzzled as I noticed my friend across the net from me laughing so hard she was bent over and holding her stomach. I looked all over the court for the ball which made my friend - and the cute boys - laugh even harder. She kept yelling, "Oh, stop! You're going to make me laugh so hard I'll wet my pants right here!"

I was stunned, searching still for the ball, trying to figure out what the heck happened to it and why these people were laughing so hard.

I just happened to glance at my racket and there, lo and behold, was my ball... Stuck smack dab in the forked yoke of the racket. It never left my side of the court!

I know I must have turned fourteen shades of red and maybe plaid too because everyone laughed even harder when they saw that I finally found the ball.

That 's just one more day in my life as a teenage girl who tried too hard to impress the opposite sex with her "coolness".

ugh.

cyndi age 49

A small story i have of my brother when I was a wee lass. When i was about three most probably and he was seventeen or so he was out on his bike going to the local tennis court with a few friend. Now the reasons for the following are difficult to pin down but 'young' and 'male' jump most readily to mind.

Being with his friends he felt the need to show off and, most probably thinking he looked very slick, stood up on his peddles and began to pull ahead.

Up ahead of him was a street sign, it was large, green, showed how many miles to the nearest town, and most importantly, it was held up by two metal poles about a metre apart.

Now my brother, as much as i love him, did not display his intelligence by thinking he would look cool riding through the two poles. He made it with no problem.

Until you count the tennis racket sticking up over his head. As he passed under the sign the racket caught on said sign, he came to an abrupt halt and a jerk backwards, the bike kept going, needless to say he ended up on the floor after an interesting somersault maneuver.

Even though i wasn't actually present i still laugh my self silly at the mental image. I imagine his friends did as well.

by Katie

Dumb First Impression

I still think that one of the dumbest and most embarrassing things that I have ever done is not paying attention to myself while trying to impress a guy with how cool I was.

While walking and talking with a guy that I thought was so cool, ( I was about 13 at the time), I wasn't paying attention to where I was walking and I walked right into a telephone pole so hard that I knocked myself out cold.

Needless to say I was so very embarrassed when I woke up and saw everyone standing over top of me trying to get my nose to stop bleeding and make sure I was ok.

I never talked to that person again. I was so embarrassed.

Heather, age 37

What Kind Of Birds Don't Fly?

My step daughter my own daughter, and I were working on answering the chapter questions in a nature study book.

We were in a chapter about birds so of course the questions at the end of the chapter were referring to our feathered friends.

Maybe this isn't so dumb, now that I think about it, but it has to be shared. heh, heh.

One of the chapter study questions asked "What kinds of birds don't fly?"

My own daughter came up with "Penguins!"

And then "Turkeys!" she shouted for these two girls were always in competition with each other and if shouting helped gain more attention from me then they'd shout the roof right off the house.

"No", I said, "Turkeys actually can fly, if they're not fattened up for Thanksgiving. The pilgrims and Indians had to hunt for their turkeys and in those days all the turkeys were wild and more skinny so they could get themselves up off the ground."

The two girls pondered this for a bit and I could almost see them picturing plump, "naked" or plucked turkeys with no heads flying about while pilgrims and Indians ran around trying to catch their bald birds.

"Well, can you think of another bird that doesn't fly?" i asked both girls.

"Peacocks!" my daughter shouted out before the other had any chance of claiming Peacocks before she did.

"Okay, Sami, what about it? Can you think of any type of bird that doesn't fly?"

With her hand on her chin and her eyes turned up as though in deep thought, she dragged her response time out as long as she thought she could just to tease her sis.

Suddenly, she snapped up and with eyes wide and a huge grin on her face (because she was so much smarter than her sis!) she shouted
"I know what kinds of birds don't fly!, A DEAD BIRD!"

She was serious as you-know-what which made it even harder for me not to bust a gut laughing!

Too cute. Maybe not so dumb, but definitely cute.

Look Out, Dumbass!

My roommate, a guy (who happened to be the best roommate I ever had!) and I were jogging one day, back in the day when jogging was the fad thing for baby boomers to do to their abused bodies.

He was running ahead of me, his legs were a lot longer which gave him the lead in any race or run. I was trying to keep up with him but my smoking habit had created so much havoc on my lungs I was having trouble just breathing, let alone running as fast as my roommate.

I was just about to give up and walk home, leaving him still running like a fool, oblivious to the fact I deserted him, until I saw him running and checking out a chick that was running in the opposite direction. This chick was very pretty, had a great body, and my roommate (who I seriously thought he was asexual, he'd never brought home a girlfriend or even a one night stand) was drooling while running, turning his head in the chick's direction as she ran past.

I was surprised that my roommate was so bold as to holler out to this lady but he did, and kept looking toward her even while she was behind him so my roommate was running while looking where he'd been instead of where he was going...

That was a bad mistake. I saw the fire hydrant long before my roommate ever got near it and I thought to myself, "I ought to warn him so he'll turn around and watch where his legs were taking him" but I guess a cat got my tongue (or I'm as evil as my roommate now thinks I am!) and I opened my mouth but nothing came out.

I almost started laughing before it happened. You can guess what came next, I'm sure of it but I'll have to tell you anyway.

In the midst of catching the young lady's attention with a hoop and holler, while looking behind him at her while running forward, my roommate came in contact with that fire hydrant just as the young lady looked back at him to see who was hollering at her.. So she and I both saw my poor roommate run right into the fire hydrant and endo over it, doing some kind of wild front flip, landing on his back on the other side of it.

I have to be honest with you, before I ran to make sure he was okay I paused in thought while all I could do was laugh my ass of and just about wet my pants in the process. It was one of those laughs that makes you go weak all over and just about collapsed on the sidewalk, eye balls squirting with tears from laughing so hard.

The young lady who my roommate was trying so hard to woo with his whistling and woo hooing stopped for just a sec, looked over to where I was still splitting a gut, looked back at my poor roommate laying face down in the grass and decided I would be the one to give him first aid if he needed it. She looked back at me and nodded quickly, started running again, and giggled a soft giggle at the whole sceanario. I thought, this lady has class. I would have been laughing my ass off so hard this poor guy would never try to seduce a lady in public again, let alone while running in public.

So now here's what you're probably wondering..

Yes, my roommate was okay, he was a bit sore but I think his pride was hurt more than anything. lol

Yes, that was the end of our running daze. heh, heh. I tried and tried to get him to go running again after that but had no luck. Gee, I wonder why???